To Live Life or be consumed by it.

Short Essay by Mya Jones

When I reflect on the past couple of years, I think about how much I allowed life to consume me. It hurts, if I’m being honest. I knew from my teenage years that my 20s would be a challenging time, but I didn’t think it would be as demanding as it actually is. I’m still trying to grow peace within myself, knowing that sometimes things just take time… that life has nearly just begun. I grew up with the impression that by my early 20s, I would be living my best life—hahaha. I imagined having this extravagant lifestyle, like the ones I’ve seen online.

As I continue to figure myself out, I’ve realized that what I truly want is peace, independence, and abundance. I want to wake up and truly feel calm. I no longer have the desire to consume material things; instead, I want to immerse myself in life. I’ve noticed that when I seek instant gratification, I’m still unhappy in the long run. It’s only when I allow myself to slow down and do what may be uncomfortable in the moment—but ultimately fulfilling—that I experience pure joy.

My 20s so far have been hard; they’ve taught me a lot that I wasn’t quite ready to learn. But through these lessons, I’ve discovered so much about myself. The lessons I wasn’t taught by parental figures, schools, or any higher educator, I learned through hard experiences. I figured out what I no longer desire from the hurt I’ve experienced. I find a sense of peace in that, even if, in the moment, it was heartbreaking or upsetting.

Right now, I feel like it’s time to slow down. As I let life consume me, I realized that my body is taking the heat for it—emotionally, physically, and mentally. I am being consumed. At this moment, taking the time to just enjoy life and find peace in the mundane will bring me bliss. Previously, I avoided the mundane; I thought it was boring and too slow. But I’ve grown to realize it’s necessary—to just live in the moment and simply be. Sometimes, I forget to express gratitude, to just sit down and think of the blessings I currently have, the small things that bring me joy. Like this blog. Just typing this relieves me. I love it.

Truthfully, I feel like the life I seek is waiting for me to seek it—to actually trust myself and follow the path of my soul. The more I avoid it, the harder I make my life. I don’t know my purpose, but I do know what I feel called to do right now. Yes, life has brought its challenges these past couple of years, but why am I allowing it to consume me? To break my very character? To hide away the version of myself I know I am meant to evolve into? My life has just begun, and I have to live it. Or I fear I will grow a bitterness, a sickness within myself, that will never let me live it.

What if I actually pursued the life that I want? How would my life change? I’d rather take the risk of the unknown than settle for the societal obligations of adulthood. I want to allow myself to love the person I am, to grow confident in myself. I don’t want to feel a constant wave of stress and sadness anymore. I don’t want to be in the energy of disappointment and settling. I seek abundance and joy. I want to feel alive.

In time, everything will work out. I just have to be patient with myself and take it day by day. Trust in myself and the person I desire to be. Life has just begun. Live it. Document it. Share it.

Note from Writer~

Thank you for reading my short essay, I just wanted to share a piece of my 20’s so far. If you are dealing with something similar or have thoughts about going into your 20s I would love to hear them. Thank you again and I wish you a peaceful day and sweet dreams 🌱🌤.